Engga Ngerti

Engga Ngerti - Kahitna

Hi, Stew...

Do you miss me now?

No?

Are you sure?

Are you sick with the cold now?

No?

Are you sure?

You always know, we're connected, dear. D'ya remember when we were still close friends? I didn't think of you, but then you came into my senses and pop! I got a message from you, saying, "kamu ke mana, ya... tumben nggak gangguin..."

D'ya remember, when you said your back was in pain? Half an hour before you told me, I felt that too all of a sudden. When you got influenza, I got it too. And I still remember you said that it was your cycle, every 4 mos. And it's been 4 mos since your last flu. I bet you're sick with the cold now. It's my time to be in good shape, after being got cold for almost three weeks. But why? I couldn't get up straightly this morning. It must be you, who got sick with the cold. Sigh!

Stew, if we can behave like we're just ordinary friends, I think we can cut these all connections. I'm tired, Stew. We don't have to feel these crazy feelings if we can be just ordinary friends. I can let you have your own life easily, if you let me to have mine too. I know you will say that you've released me. But you didn't do that, Stew. Really. You didn't do what you said.

You held my back, without willing to face me. You kept your "poker-face mode" anytime I sent you message. I sent you private messages, talk about something else, not about us. I know you well, Stew. It's very impossible if you didn't notice my messages. Yes, they're gone now, because I've deleted them. They're no use. I just wanted to ask you some help, about CSS for my blogs, your specialized things. Not begging you to be back for good.

Sigh.

Anyhow, when I woke up this morning, I was amazed. I realized that I was dreaming! After a very loooong time for not having dreams in my sleep. No, it was not you in my dream. I dreamed about JKT48.

LOL? 

Ha! Yes! LOL!

I dreamed about them. I dreamed that I interacted with those Oshi(s). I don't know why, maybe because you're one of Fans of JKT48. And why did you "send" me message like this, hah? I don't need to have this weird relationship with you just to be Fans of JKT48. I can be Fans of JKT48 by my own. Because, yes, I love them.

Nah. I want you to listen to Kahitna's song, that was playing in my head this morning.

"Sesungguhnya... aku kangen kamu...

Di mana dirimu? Aku nggak ngerti....

Dengarkanlah... kau tetap terindah..

Meski tak mungkin bersatu...

Kau slalu ada di langkahku..."

#IfYouKnowWhatIMean

I still don't understand these weird feelings....