how much it hurts to miss you

Hi, Stew...

How's life?

I thought after all of these circumstances I've been through these weeks, you'll suddenly disappear from my mind.

But I'm proven that I was wrong.

It hurts so much, Stew, to miss you...

Bintang malam katakan padanya
Aku ingin melukis sinarmu di hatinya
Embun pagi sampaikan padanya
Biar ku dekap erat waktu dingin membelenggunya

Tahukah engkau wahai langit
Aku ingin bertemu membelai wajahnya
Kan ku pasang hiasan angkasa yang terindah
Hanya untuk dirinya

Lagu rindu ini kuciptakan
Hanya untuk bidadari hatiku tercinta
Walau hanya nada sederhana
Ijinkan ku ungkap segenap rasa dan kerinduan

I admit that I...

Stew,

Aku baru tahu, kayak gini rasanya rindu

Menyiksa, ya

Kadang tergoda, cuma buat nanya kabarmu atau...

Kamu lagi apa?

Aku rindu momen waktu kita sering tukeran kabar, Stew...

Intinya aku emang rindu banget ama kamu...

Oya, Stew..

Entah kenapa, tiba-tiba sontrek kita kemarin muncul di sebuah permukaan

Lagu yang udah lama nggak ingin kudengarkan, tau-tau dibahas teman-temanku

Membuatku merasa harus ingat kamu

Membuatku harus mengakui bahwa aku rindu berat sama kamu...

Miss all those chats

Miss all those stories

Miss you

"I Knew I Loved You"

Maybe it's intuition
But some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes
I see my future in an instant
and there it goes
I think I've found my best friend
I know that it might sound more than
a little crazy but I believe

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

There's just no rhyme or reason
only this sense of completion
and in your eyes
I see the missing pieces
I'm searching for
I think I found my way home
I know that it might sound more than
a little crazy but I believe

A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I found you

...again...

I heard from a friend today  

And she said you were in town  

Suddenly the memories 

Came back to me in my mind

 
How can I be strong,

 I've asked myself  

Time and time I've said  

That I'll never fall in love with you again

A wounded heart you gave 

My soul you took away  

Good intentions you had many  

I know you did

I come from a place that hurts 

And God knows how I've cried  

And I never want to return  

Never fall again

Making love to you 

Felt so good and  

Oh so right

How can I be strong 

I've asked myself 

Time and time I've said  

That I'll never fall in love with you again

So here we are alone again 

Didn't think I'd come to this  

And to know it all began  

With just a little kiss

I've come too close to happiness 

To have it swept away  

Don't think I can take the pain  

 Never fall again
 

Kinda late in the game  

And my heart is in your hands  

Don't you stand there and then tell me  

You love me then leave again 

 'Cause I'm falling in love with you again
 

Hold me, hold me  

Don't ever let me go  

Say it just one time  

Say you love me 

God knows I do love you again

Again - Janet Jackson

Hi, Stew...

Long time no talk to you through this pensieve...

I tried to give a touch with you. And you're still sounded bitter. Though it was only through whatsapp. You were still sounded bitter.. Okay. I gave up. And I already got over you...

But few days ago.. I saw the place that we met for the very first time. And I felt hurt again. I remembered you again. I missed you again..

I know you don't care how I feel right now. I know that you've been pulling me through. I've kept you in my prayer, Stew, that I don't want to see you in real life anymore...

Engga Ngerti

Engga Ngerti - Kahitna

Hi, Stew...

Do you miss me now?

No?

Are you sure?

Are you sick with the cold now?

No?

Are you sure?

You always know, we're connected, dear. D'ya remember when we were still close friends? I didn't think of you, but then you came into my senses and pop! I got a message from you, saying, "kamu ke mana, ya... tumben nggak gangguin..."

D'ya remember, when you said your back was in pain? Half an hour before you told me, I felt that too all of a sudden. When you got influenza, I got it too. And I still remember you said that it was your cycle, every 4 mos. And it's been 4 mos since your last flu. I bet you're sick with the cold now. It's my time to be in good shape, after being got cold for almost three weeks. But why? I couldn't get up straightly this morning. It must be you, who got sick with the cold. Sigh!

Stew, if we can behave like we're just ordinary friends, I think we can cut these all connections. I'm tired, Stew. We don't have to feel these crazy feelings if we can be just ordinary friends. I can let you have your own life easily, if you let me to have mine too. I know you will say that you've released me. But you didn't do that, Stew. Really. You didn't do what you said.

You held my back, without willing to face me. You kept your "poker-face mode" anytime I sent you message. I sent you private messages, talk about something else, not about us. I know you well, Stew. It's very impossible if you didn't notice my messages. Yes, they're gone now, because I've deleted them. They're no use. I just wanted to ask you some help, about CSS for my blogs, your specialized things. Not begging you to be back for good.

Sigh.

Anyhow, when I woke up this morning, I was amazed. I realized that I was dreaming! After a very loooong time for not having dreams in my sleep. No, it was not you in my dream. I dreamed about JKT48.

LOL? 

Ha! Yes! LOL!

I dreamed about them. I dreamed that I interacted with those Oshi(s). I don't know why, maybe because you're one of Fans of JKT48. And why did you "send" me message like this, hah? I don't need to have this weird relationship with you just to be Fans of JKT48. I can be Fans of JKT48 by my own. Because, yes, I love them.

Nah. I want you to listen to Kahitna's song, that was playing in my head this morning.

"Sesungguhnya... aku kangen kamu...

Di mana dirimu? Aku nggak ngerti....

Dengarkanlah... kau tetap terindah..

Meski tak mungkin bersatu...

Kau slalu ada di langkahku..."

#IfYouKnowWhatIMean

I still don't understand these weird feelings....

stew-pie bus-tart

source

Where should I start?
I've even been in the end and the game has been over.
But this thing I have to admit.
I've deleted, re-booted things here.
Just because I don't want to keep you here, stew-pie bus-tart.

Re-boot.
Re-boot.
Re-boot.

All files are deleted.
YAY! I'm done the re-booting!

Then... I think, I'm done on re-booting.
I should be free to install new apps that not including you there.

But I was wrong.
You're the OS
I've deleted all the apps, but of course I can not delete you, because you're the OS.

Now, I have to admit it:

source

I miss ya, Stew-Pie Bus-Tart!